More Deep Thoughts
Folks still remember the day ole Bob
Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon,
it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped, and the shocks
broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean over
the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar.
I wish I lived back in the old west
days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could
buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start digging for
gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say,
"Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your
pick is gold," and I'd say, "Well, that was easy."
Good joke, huh.
I think a good product would be "Baby
Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of
your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy
duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you
stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks
really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties
If you go to a party, and you want
to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is
looking, then kick a burning log out of the fireplace onto the carpet.
Then jump on top of it with your body and yell,"Log o' fire!
Log o' fire!" I've never done this, but I think
I'll be the first to admit that my
idea of God is pretty different. I believe in a God with a long
white beard, a gold crown, and a long robe with lots of shiny jewels
on it. He sits on a big throne in the clouds, and He's about five
hundred feet tall. He talks in a real deep voice like "I...AM...GOD!"
He can blow up stuff just by looking at it. This is
my own, personal idea of God
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't
a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy",
because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody,
"You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to
me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave
the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night
at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping
I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up
a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather,
just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at
the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than
what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect
the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out
he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody
left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided
to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then.
Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high