Small Town Politics
A minor politician once asked the great
actor Spencer Tracy if he could give him some pointers to help him
dealing with the public. "Just learn your lines and don't
bump into any furniture."
(Oklahoma City)--Dead candidate...A state
politician filed a protest after losing an election to a dead woman.
The woman died after filing for office, but Oklahoma State law allows
dead candidates to run for office under certain circumstances.
The dead woman garnered enough votes to continue on to a runoff
(Pittsburgh Pennsylvania)--Door Slammin'
Judge--It all started when an assistant public defender was late
to court. It so enraged the judge, as he left for his chambers,
he slammed the door hard enough to shatter the glass panel.
Just days before, he sentenced a man to six months in jail for slamming
the same door. The man he sentenced spent seventy days in
jail before an appeals court overturned the sentence.
(Plain City Ohio)--Firehouse Fire--Sleepy
firefighters were roused from bed by a passerby yelling "Fire!"
It turned out there was a fire in their basement. Already
being on scene, they were quickly able to douse flames, limiting
damage to about five-thousand dollars. The Good Samaritan
says he almost called 911, but decided it would be quicker to knock
on their door.
(Bismarck North Dakota)--Urine
Bottle Tossing--It is now illegal in North Dakota to urinate in
a plastic container and throw it out the window of your car or truck.
The new law came about after roadside workers complained about the
bottles after hitting them with tractor mowers. State officials
say some people are in too much of a hurry to pull over and use
a rest stop.
(Corpus Christi Texas)-- Wrong Number--It's
not the kind of human relations the city was looking for...after
city employees accidentally listed a phone sex line in place of
the U.S. Department of Housing and Redevelopment. Fliers
announcing the service were sent to some forty-six thousand homes.
(Albuquerque New Mexico)--I'm Dead?--An old
computer program being used on new W-2 forms is causing some problems
on state college campuses, after employees were informed they were
dead. New software is being installed, but experts say the
problem is popping up all over the country.
(Hendersonville Tennessee)--Death to Students--A
local school district created a minor flap among parents over a
recent typo in a handbook dealing with student behavior. "Stern
discipline will be death to any student guilty of this conduct."
School officials meant to say "dealt." Replacements
had to be printed.
(Montgomery Alabama)--Senate Cistern--A recent
filibuster by Democrats in the state senate left its speaker a little
uneasy, but it wasn't the debate...he had to urinate. Rather
than cede the floor to the Democrats, the Lieutenant Governor relieved
himself in a jug whilst sitting behind a podium.
(Moscow Idaho)--Topless Law)--It is okay for
women to go topless in Moscow after the city council ended months
of debate over the issue. The only three "no" votes
on the ordinance came from female council members. One council
member was overheard as saying they could no go on to more important
(Conway Arkansas)--Taxing Tax Bill--How far
would you go to collect sixty-nine cents? The State of Arkansas,
via the University system, is trying to collect sixty-nine cents
from a retired professor. Not to mention the labor and time
involved with sending the bill, postage alone to and from the retiree
adds up to sixty-six cents. An official says local statues
require them to collect on all delinquent payments.
(Huntsville Alabama)--Capital Abuzz--A huge
furor arose when the state legislature tried to outlaw sex toys
there. In paperwork filed in connection with the ensuing lawsuit,
attorneys for Alabama argued there was no guaranteed right to own
devices used "in the pursuit of orgasm."
(Fort Wayne Indiana)--Dress Code--City workers
now have to wear underwear under a new city ordinance. One
city employee said something had to be done about women who refused
to wear bras to work. So far, no word yet on who will be conducting
(West Palm Beach Florida)--No Rounding--A clerical
error cost the county some $15-thousand dollars after a clerk forgot
to add .77 to the figure $36,260.00. The county has a "no
rounding" policy on bids. As a result, the low bid for
a guardrail project was rejected in favor of the next, which was
fifteen-thousand dollars more.
(Boston Massachusetts)--Hotline Stress--City
workers feeling the stress of their jobs can get help via a new
computerized telephone line. Workers answer a variety of
questions, to get a recorded diagnosis. In extreme cases,
workers are urged to get counseling.
(Albany New York)--Premature Deaths--Workers
in the tiny upstate community were recently surprised to find out
they were dead. A computer glitch informed some 350 employees
they were no longer entitled to benefits because of their recent
demise. A system administrator is blaming their new computer
system...that they bought to combat the Y2K bug.
(Sacramento California)--Dep't of Redundancy
Dep't--It is illegal in California to have job seekers pay an application
fee. And just to make sure everyone understands that, a state
legislator has introduced a bill...to make it illegal for job seekers
to pay an application fee. In a news release, the assemblyman
says he just wants to "clarify that state law already prohibits
(North Platte Nebraska)--Naked Mayor--A politician
raised eyebrows around town when he promised to walk naked at an
upcoming festival to help a local animal charity. As it turns
out, the man was intending on walking Naked (his pet dog) instead.
He then asked local folks for their help in explaining the whole
thing to his wife.