Small Town Politics 

A minor politician once asked the great actor Spencer Tracy if he could give him some pointers to help him dealing with the public.  "Just learn your lines and don't bump into any furniture."

(Oklahoma City)--Dead candidate...A state politician filed a protest after losing an election to a dead woman.  The woman died after filing for office, but Oklahoma State law allows dead candidates to run for office under certain circumstances.  The dead woman garnered enough votes to continue on to a runoff election.

(Pittsburgh Pennsylvania)--Door Slammin' Judge--It all started when an assistant public defender was late to court.  It so enraged the judge, as he left for his chambers, he slammed the door hard enough to shatter the glass panel.  Just days before, he sentenced a man to six months in jail for slamming the same door.  The man he sentenced spent seventy days in jail before an appeals court overturned the sentence.

(Plain City Ohio)--Firehouse Fire--Sleepy firefighters were roused from bed by a passerby yelling "Fire!"  It turned out there was a fire in their basement.  Already being on scene, they were quickly able to douse flames, limiting damage to about five-thousand dollars.  The Good Samaritan says he almost called 911, but decided it would be quicker to knock on their door.

(Bismarck North Dakota)--Urine Bottle Tossing--It is now illegal in North Dakota to urinate in a plastic container and throw it out the window of your car or truck.  The new law came about after roadside workers complained about the bottles after hitting them with tractor mowers.  State officials say some people are in too much of a hurry to pull over and use a rest stop.

(Corpus Christi Texas)-- Wrong Number--It's not the kind of human relations the city was looking for...after city employees accidentally listed a phone sex line in place of the U.S. Department of Housing and Redevelopment.   Fliers announcing the service were sent to some forty-six thousand homes.

(Albuquerque New Mexico)--I'm Dead?--An old computer program being used on new W-2 forms is causing some problems on state college campuses, after employees were informed they were dead.  New software is being installed, but experts say the problem is popping up all over the country.

(Hendersonville Tennessee)--Death to Students--A local school district created a minor flap among parents over a recent typo in a handbook dealing with student behavior.  "Stern discipline will be death to any student guilty of this conduct."  School officials meant to say "dealt."   Replacements had to be printed.

(Montgomery Alabama)--Senate Cistern--A recent filibuster by Democrats in the state senate left its speaker a little uneasy, but it wasn't the debate...he had to urinate.  Rather than cede the floor to the Democrats, the Lieutenant Governor relieved himself in a jug whilst sitting behind a podium.

(Moscow Idaho)--Topless Law)--It is okay for women to go topless in Moscow after the city council ended months of debate over the issue.   The only three "no" votes on the ordinance came from female council members.  One council member was overheard as saying they could no go on to more important issues.

(Conway Arkansas)--Taxing Tax Bill--How far would you go to collect sixty-nine cents?  The State of Arkansas, via the University system, is trying to collect sixty-nine cents from a retired professor.  Not to mention the labor and time involved with sending the bill, postage alone to and from the retiree adds up to sixty-six cents.  An official says local statues require them to collect on all delinquent payments.

(Huntsville Alabama)--Capital Abuzz--A huge furor arose when the state legislature tried to outlaw sex toys there.  In paperwork filed in connection with the ensuing lawsuit, attorneys for Alabama argued there was no guaranteed right to own devices used "in the pursuit of orgasm."

(Fort Wayne Indiana)--Dress Code--City workers now have to wear underwear under a new city ordinance.  One city employee said something had to be done about women who refused to wear bras to work.  So far, no word yet on who will be conducting the checks.

(West Palm Beach Florida)--No Rounding--A clerical error cost the county some $15-thousand dollars after a clerk forgot to add .77 to the figure $36,260.00.  The county has a "no rounding" policy on bids.  As a result, the low bid for a guardrail project was rejected in favor of the next, which was fifteen-thousand dollars more.

(Boston Massachusetts)--Hotline Stress--City workers feeling the stress of their jobs can get help via a new computerized telephone line.   Workers answer a variety of questions, to get a recorded diagnosis.  In extreme cases, workers are urged to get counseling.

(Albany New York)--Premature Deaths--Workers in the tiny upstate community were recently surprised to find out they were dead.  A computer glitch informed some 350 employees they were no longer entitled to benefits because of their recent demise.  A system administrator is blaming their new computer system...that they bought to combat the Y2K bug.

(Sacramento California)--Dep't of Redundancy Dep't--It is illegal in California to have job seekers pay an application fee.  And just to make sure everyone understands that, a state legislator has introduced a bill...to make it illegal for job seekers to pay an application fee.  In a news release, the assemblyman says he just wants to "clarify that state law already prohibits the practice."

(North Platte Nebraska)--Naked Mayor--A politician raised eyebrows around town when he promised to walk naked at an upcoming festival to help a local animal charity.  As it turns out, the man was intending on walking Naked (his pet dog) instead.  He then asked local folks for their help in explaining the whole thing to his wife.